fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
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If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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