You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
