If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
