if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They took my balls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
