Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
