Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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