I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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