Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
false alarm. still invincible.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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