forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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