Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
