Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
