How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she pinky promised me she was 18
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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