After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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