3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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