Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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