I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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