Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
