The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
