Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
