The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
