well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is the high leading the old right now
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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