I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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