Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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