I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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