he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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