I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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