thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
