I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dick very happy bro
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
