Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
