So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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