I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
