I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
