Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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