Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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