in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
