I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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