Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
