My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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