piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
