alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize