i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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