got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize