help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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