Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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