rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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