I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
