i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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