I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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