sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
