seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
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while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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