Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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