I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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