how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
His nipple licking is glorious
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