I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
