I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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