I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
