Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
