That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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