"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Need sex. Gaining weight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
