Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
