I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
