i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
