now i know why i became what i already was.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
