I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
