Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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