After last night, I could never be a politician.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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