It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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