You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize
