Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.

  (916): View more from California

  You're drunk. Make complete sentences.

  (925): View more from California

  It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.

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  (925): I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it. (916): You're drunk. Make complete sentences. (925): It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand. http://tfl.nu/78xl
  Replies (13) Good night (2558) Bad night (743)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.

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  (636): Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know. http://tfl.nu/4r5f
  Replies (37) Good night (2938) Bad night (645)
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  (916): View more from California

  We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.

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  (916): We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea. http://tfl.nu/qdx4
  Replies (8) Good night (718) Bad night (3253)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.

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  (803): definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him. http://tfl.nu/8psn
  Replies (23) Good night (813) Bad night (4474)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every perfect package comes with a warning label.

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  (330): Every perfect package comes with a warning label. http://tfl.nu/x7rd
  Replies (25) Good night (3880) Bad night (1192)
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  (949): View more from California

  The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.

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  (949): The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses. http://tfl.nu/cf7g
  Replies (25) Good night (3666) Bad night (2194)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him

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  (239): No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him http://tfl.nu/yi67
  Replies (12) Good night (1440) Bad night (2185)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van

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  (817): He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van http://tfl.nu/z2ov
  Replies (2) Good night (2154) Bad night (867)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.

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  (606): I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm. http://tfl.nu/129h
  Replies (12) Good night (973) Bad night (3538)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

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  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
  Replies (4) Good night (2557) Bad night (752)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Does that work!! Please say yes

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  (702): Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons (702): Does that work!! Please say yes http://tfl.nu/ujrg
  Replies (24) Good night (811) Bad night (2160)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

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  (402): found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman. http://tfl.nu/nx72
  Replies (7) Good night (2471) Bad night (531)
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  (753): View more from

  if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.

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  (753): if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad. http://tfl.nu/mg7k
  Replies (6) Good night (925) Bad night (398)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens

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  (512): Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens http://tfl.nu/y87y
  Replies (5) Good night (836) Bad night (1021)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.

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  (763): Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge. http://tfl.nu/dfv5
  Replies (1) Good night (747) Bad night (319)

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