My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.