You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.