i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after