508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.